I recently watched a podcast interview with a top divorce lawyer in New York City. Among the many reasons he cited for why relationships fail, one point struck me: people love to compare. Specifically, they compare their relationships to what they see on social media, where only the glamorous, curated moments are on display.
The danger lies in using these idealized portrayals as a yardstick to measure your relationship. Suddenly, your life feels dull, your partner isn’t romantic enough, or your relationship seems lacking. This is your subconscious at work, convincing you that the glamorous facade is the new baseline for a successful relationship.
People are often shocked when seemingly perfect couples announce a divorce or breakup, even though their social media showed nothing but happiness just days earlier. What’s hidden from view are the realities that unfold behind the scenes—disagreements, financial pressures, or emotional distance.
The same kind of comparison happens in investing. We look at people like Warren Buffett, who delivered an incredible 30.4% annualized return during his partnership years (1957–1969), or Peter Lynch, who achieved 29.2% annualized returns at Fidelity’s Magellan Fund (1977–1990). Their results are awe-inspiring, but we rarely consider the personal price they paid to achieve them.
Warren Buffett’s biography, The Snowball, talks about how he spent his days working and his nights poring over Moody’s Manual. While his wife, Susie, took care of him wholeheartedly and assumed the responsibility of managing their household and raising the children, Buffett’s mind remained elsewhere. Even during family trips—like a visit to Disneyland—he would sit alone, engrossed in reading.
This single-minded focus on work created a widening distance between Buffett and his family. His children longed for his attention, and Susie craved a deeper connection. The strain eventually became too much, leading to Susie’s departure.
Buffett was devastated, later reflecting on his regret: “It was definitely ninety-five percent my fault—no question about that. It may even have been ninety-nine percent. I just wasn’t attuned enough to her, and she’d always been perfectly attuned to me. It had always been all in my direction, almost. You know, my job was getting more interesting and more interesting and more interesting as I went along. When Susie left, she felt less needed than I should have made her feel. Your spouse starts coming second. She kept me together for a lot of years, and she contributed ninety percent to raising the kids.”
Warren was forty-seven at the time, and even though he was worth $72 million, he had more successful investments in the stock market than most people could name. He was already wildly successful, but he was just beginning to take stock of his losses.
Likewise, in his book Beating the Street, Peter Lynch spoke about how his work of keeping track of a large number of companies took its toll by the time he was forty-three years old. He was always spending late nights at the office and rarely took vacations. He recounted how he missed watching his children grow up and acknowledged that he had spent too much time at work.
He had a revelation while celebrating his forty-sixth birthday because his father had passed away at forty-six years old. Having already outlived his father, he felt mortal and wished he’d seen more school plays, ski meets, and afternoon soccer games. And he shared this famous quote, “Nobody on his deathbed ever said: ‘I wish I’d spent more time at the office.‘”
Shortly after, Lynch left the investment industry to spend more time with his family and explore other pursuits. While he likely still invests, it’s no longer at the all-consuming pace it once was.
People often talk about how Buffett accumulated 99% of his wealth after the age of sixty-five, thanks to the power of compounding. It’s true—compounding follows an exponential curve and, given time, creates immense wealth. But what Buffett achieved wasn’t without its costs. The time and capital committed to compounding at such a high clip came with a substantial sacrifice.
Buffett and Lynch’s legendary results required intense focus and commitment, often at the expense of their relationships. This is not unlike the sacrifices elite athletes make, dedicating everything to training, diet, and recovery to reach the pinnacle of their sport.
But this isn’t meant to discourage you from investing—quite the opposite. Investing is fun and intellectually stimulating, and it has the potential to be financially transformative. Just because I can’t swim like Michael Phelps, run like Usain Bolt or hoop like Jordan doesn’t mean I should avoid swimming, running, or basketball. It simply means we need to set realistic expectations and define our scope.
When it comes to investing, we need to ask ourselves: What’s the price we’re willing to pay? How much time, energy, and money are we truly prepared to invest? Unless you’re a full-time fund manager with endless hours to study businesses, chances are you have a career and personal commitments to juggle.
The answers to these questions should guide the development of your investment philosophy—helping you determine the kinds of businesses you invest in, how many companies you hold, and what sort of returns are realistic for you.
The truth is, most people aren’t willing—or able—to pay the price Warren Buffett or Peter Lynch paid to achieve such extraordinary results. Determining a sustainable investment strategy that aligns with your capacity and lifestyle is essential.
So, the next time you catch yourself comparing or feeling envious—whether in relationships, careers, or investing—remember that there’s always more beneath the surface than what meets the eye. No matter how glamorous it may seem, success often involves unseen sacrifices. The important question is: what price are you willing to pay?
Quite relatable indeed and often time, we also give into other people’s view of what is commendable to do. For example, you may not hide into the temptation of comparing yourself to others but you can give into peer pressure of choosing to sacrifice the most important things in your life because other believed doing otherwise would be seen as a failure.
A friend a mine, who is a surgeon looks forward having a family. But for a long time she struggled with that because of how demanding her carrier was and how she thought people would think she is not ambitious if she gave up some of her time to practice surgery and dedicate it to her family. When she confided in me, I asked her: “How is important is it to nurture a strong relationship with your husband and how important is it to see your children grow and be there for their special moment or milestones?”
It is a very difficult decision that need a strong conviction before taking a step forward. It is also important to know that whatever step you take in whatever
direction, you must bear consequences that results from it, whether good or bad.
I enjoyed the read. Great article.